December 1st, 2019 | Kimo Kealoha | Discover the Deep

Why I Hate Snorkeling and Don't Use A Snorkel

Its true—I hate snorkels. Everything about them. I can literally go on a tirade for an hour about why I hate snorkels and snorkeling, but let me just give you the number one reason why I hate snorkels and snorkeling so we can get on with our lives:

When snorkeling, you always end up swallowing ocean water.

That's it. Do you really need another reason? I mean, you realize what's in the ocean, right? It's not just salt water. It's poo and pee and vomit and oil and gas and diesel and microbes and diseases and more nasty stuff. It's all in there.

If you ever feel incredibly healthy and you want to test your immune system and you feel the need to make yourself sick, just drink up a glass of sea water and see what happens.

Ocean water is the worst! Who in their right mind is okay with swallowing it?

And you want to know how to ensure you swallow sea water? Go snorkeling! It will happen every time. Guaranteed.

So now that we got that out of the way, let me give you 4 more reasons why I don't like snorkeling:

WHY KIMO DOESN'T LIKE SNORKELING

1. Snorkeling only allows you to see things from afar. Ocean life and scenery is most amazing viewed close up. So snorkeling is just a tease. It's like a girl winking at you from a distance, but you can never get close.

2. Snorkeling subjects you to surface wave action which is uncomfortable and can cause nausea, dizziness, and seasickness. Are the waves pushing you around on the surface? Welcome to snorkeling. Drop down 30 feet and see how peaceful it is, Brutha! Oh wait, you can't! You're snorkeling!

3. People equate snorkeling with scuba diving which often causes people to miss out on the joy of scuba diving. It's lame and stupid, but they do. It's like racism. It's lame and stupid, but people are racist. So if someone has a bad experience with a certain color of a person, they assume that all people of that same color are likewise bad. And people who have had a bad experience snorkeling (like swallowing water, getting seasick, etc.) assume that scuba diving is the same thing. Ugh! It's so awful.

4. Snorkeling will make you swallow ocean water. Did I already mention that? Yeah, its the worst.

WHY KIMO DOESN'T USE A SNORKEL

So even though I don't snorkel, it is common for scuba divers to have a snorkel attached to their mask when they dive. In fact, scuba schools used to teach this as standard for years—that your basic gear was: mask, fins, and snorkel.

But not I. You will never see Kimo with a giant crooked straw attached to my mask. Never. It is just stupid. Now here are my reasons why I don't wear a snorkel:

1. A snorkel is dangerous. That giant plastic straw can get tangled in anything. It is also very easy for fellow divers (or large animals) to bump your snorkel and rip your mask right off your face. Have that happen to you one time, and you'll be in my camp—no snorkels!

2. It's superfluous equipment. As recreational divers, we really want to travel and dive with as little amount of equipment as possible. The snorkel is something you'll never use—so why bring it along?

3. You'll never use it. This is pretty obvious, right? I mean hey, you're never gonna use it! I've done my own anecdotal tests and asked both divemasters and recreational divers how often they use their snorkels. The most common answer I get is: never. A few divemasters gave me some story about running low on air and needing to preserve their air on the surface on a technical dive, blah blah blah. And so that's why they keep it. But they're dive professionals, not recreational divers. And the recreational divers who told me that they've used it did so for no other reason than just to do it. They did not need to conserve air, they didn't want to "snorkel," or anything like that. They just put it in their mouth because it was attached to their head. The point is obvious, if you're a recreational diver—you will never need a snorkel nor will you ever use one. So why have one?

If you ask any diver who is in favor of using snorkels, I can guarantee you it is for one of two reasons:

1. They're old school divers. They've been doing it one way forever, so they can't imagine changing. Old habits die hard.

2. They're professionals. There are situations where technical divers, professional divers, and rescue divers would/should have a snorkel on them (no reason to go into those situations here). But that's the thing—they're professionals. If you're a recreational diver, you'll never use one.

So kick the snorkel and save that space in your bag for an action camera. And then save the money to take Kimo out for a burger.